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Espoir Perdu
18 December 2010 @ 05:50 pm











Espoir Perdu
18 August 2010 @ 07:09 pm
So many things have happened since I last posted (december '09).  And here I thought I'd be keeping up with this journal that time around.  Hah.  Seems I lost interested (happens to the best of us) and really, it's alright.  No one really follows my journal anymore anyway.

So yeah, things have changed.  I'm no longer with that guy I got with back in December of last year.  It only lasted about 2-3 weeks.  Shortest relationship ever, hell yeah!  Urgh.  We'd dated before and wanted to try again.  It just didn't work out.  We made better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend.  And even that changed after we broke up.  We haven't talked since and I never see him online.  So yeah. 

That's alright though.  No hard feelings because really, it was just over the internet.  Not to mention things changed in two big ways in January of '10.  Job wise and relationship wise. 

Relationship Happenings
So around Jan 15th or 16th I went on plentyoffish.com to lurk around (yes, an online dating site...shoot me, sue me, whatever...I don't care).  I ran across the profile of a guy that lives about a half hour away from me.  I was instantly hooked.  There was just something about his smile and what he wrote in his profile that called to me.  So I messaged him.  I went off to my friend's for the weekend and didn't think twice about the message I had sent to the guy until the day I was gonna head home from my friend's house.  Well, when I got home that night I checked my messages and to my surprise he had messaged me back, saying he was really interested in getting to know me.  So we exchanged cell numbers and began texting.  

Texting was our thing for a while.  We talked maybe once or twice on the phone before actually meeting.  So we planned a night to meet at my house (stupid, in hind sight, but oh well).  Mom wanted to meet him before I went out with him anywhere, so yeah.  Anyway, he got lost trying to find my house (which is actually really hard to do...this town is so small).  Finally, he found his way here and he got out of his car with a bouquet of flowers (-squee-  I'm a sucker for flowers!).  I was surprised by that, to say the least.  Not many men would bring flowers when they're meeting someone for the first time.  He hit it off with my mom and dad and was a really sweet guy.  Turned out our families know each other.  At least on his dad's side of the family...which doesn't say much because he's not really close to his dad, but oh well.  In fact, my grandma grew up with some family of his.  Such a small world we live in!  His grandma has even worked with one of my neighbors before.  Crazy!

We decided to take a walk that night (boy was it COLD!).  We talked and then sat down by the river (even colder there) and held hands and kissed once.  It was kind of awkward for me at first.  I hadn't really kissed anyone in a couple of years and I was so shy.  Anyway, we finished our walk and came home.  He didn't stay too long after that because it was getting late.  He said his goodbyes to my parents and I walked him out to his car.  We flirted a bit and then he asked me to be his girlfriend.  Here I am, meeting him for the first time and he wants to be my boyfriend.  There were a thousand thoughts going through my mind;  should i?, does he only want sex?, am I CRAZY?, this is crazy, so soon?  Oh my gosh I didn't know what to do at first but then my mouth just answered for me; of course I wanted to be his girlfriend!

The relationship was slow at first and there a couple of close calls....that later were found out to be him not actually wanting to break up with me but being so scared of how fast he was falling for me that he didn't know what to do.  And honestly, it did move fast.  I can honestly say I was in love with this man 3 months (maybe less) into the relationship.  IN LOVE.  I didn't just love him, I was IN love with him.  There is a difference, I promise you that.  I didn't tell him though.  I didn't want to scare him away.  Hell, I was scared myself.  I'd never loved someone that quickly and quite frankly it scared the shit out of me.  Past relationships did nothing to make this one any easier.  Finally, he said he loved me first and yes, I said it back.  How could I not?  I loved this man.  It was still a little hard.  So many things were new to us with this relationship...and so many things weren't.  Finally, though, we grew close.  

Now, 7 months later (almost...it'll be 7 months tomorrow!), we're talking about marriage, kids and spending the rest of our lives together.  Sure, 7 months may not be that long for some people and believe us, we know.  We are as surprised as anyone else how quickly we fell into love.  It's a great feeling though...and the lovey dovey-ness has yet to settle down.  We're as sappy as we were when we first started saying "I love you".

Job Happenings
So on to this other news of mine.  It's not as long and not as "woohoo" feeling as the relationship happenings.  Anyway, soon after getting together with Graham (the boyfriend), a job position opened at the school (I work in a kitchen....then, I was a sub cook).  I quickly applied to it and was in a tug of war with another sub cook.  I kept on the subject with our boss and finally won out.  I got the position.  Which was rightfully mine because I had been there longer than the other sub cook and the hell if I was going to give it up to her.  Everyone at that particular school wanted me there (and not her) anyway.  So yeah.  

While I seemed to of made more money while working as a sub, I do have it better now that I'm on full time.  I make $487 a month (give or take a few cents).  A lot is taken out of my check before that final sum though.  Taxes, retirement (yes, I pay into this at the age of 24, woohoo!), life insurance, health insurance (I pay all of $15 for an office visit...and my script prices are significantly lower).  Not to mention they take a portion of each month's check out and put it into the two checks we get in the summer.  Another big bonus about working at a school is all those school breaks we also get.  Haha.  It's a good thing I got on when I did and got insurance too!  Soon after getting hired full time I got bronchitis.  I waited two weeks to go to the doctor's though because I didn't have my insurance card and damned if I was going to pay those outrageous fees.  Then after that I got tonsilitis.  They were about a month apart.  It sucked.  Before both of those I got on birth control.  I've had to go back for numerous check ups because of this too.  Just recently I had to get a pap and some blood work done.  So thank god for a job with insurance.  Haha.

So yeah, that's about what all's happened to me since last posting.
Espoir Perdu
11 December 2009 @ 05:00 pm
I was honestly surprised by it. I'm happy though. This guy has always had a place in my heart...no matter what's gone on in my life.
Espoir Perdu
02 November 2009 @ 06:55 pm
So lately I've been thinking about religion. I feel kind of lost with nothing to believe in. However, at the same time...I wonder if I could ever really truly believe in something. Is my faith in things like this broken? Jaded even? I don't know, it sucks.

I've been playing around with the idea of going Wiccan. It fits me perfectly. However, the faith thing just seems to hold me back.


This sucks.
Espoir Perdu
16 September 2009 @ 04:56 pm
Trying to loose weight is hard when you constantly see your favorite foods advertised on tv. Just now I seen a commercial for Kit Kats. And though I've just finished eating supper and I'm not really hungry...I want a kit kat now. I absolutely love those things.

Curse you tv. -shakes fist-
Espoir Perdu
14 August 2009 @ 09:21 pm
Cooking is something that I've had an interest in for a few years now. However, I've not exactly been confident enough to cook in my kitchen at home when others are around. When I'm alone, I almost always just stick a quick, frozen meal in the microwave (I'm so lazy). There are so many recipes that I've seen that I'd just love to try. However, we either never have the ingredients, I forget about them, or I just get too nervous about doing certain things in the kitchen. Darn. -shakes fist-

Considering my job, I really shouldn't be nervous about being in a kitchen around others. After all, I'm a cook at a school. It's different there, though. You have certain ways you have to cook and experimenting is something you don't get to do unless you're the person on the salad bar for the teachers. I suppose I'm nervous there too, as I never do anything fancy when I'm on salad bar.

However, I do think that working there has helped me a bit. Lately I've not been as nervous as I use to be. Today I even made something I thought would be really yummy and I was right! It was. I made a very yummy caramelized french onion dip for my chips. My mom loved it. Dad not so much. Then again, he doesn't like onions or garlic; both of which are in this chip dip. I'm heading over to a friend's house tomorrow, for the weekend, and I'm going to take some over there and let her try it. Hopefully she likes it. It really does boost your confidence when someone else thinks what you made is tasty.

Here's to hoping I try out more recipes in the kitchen!
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Here We Go by Mat Kearney
Espoir Perdu
09 July 2009 @ 11:19 pm
Grow Grow Grow Grow!
Espoir Perdu
08 June 2009 @ 11:51 pm
Solia Online
The pretty banner demands it. -nod-
Espoir Perdu
16 May 2009 @ 01:22 pm
Still debating on if I should do a knitting blog or not.
-taps chin-